This is how I saw it back then. Or at least I thought I did. I was inviting danger into our perfectly set up flat in the Gay village. I mean it wasn’t perfect as one window didn’t have a screen and the bathtub was pink, but it was really big with a great layout. It over looked Church Street the hub of the gay community in downtown Toronto, Canada. We were near our school, the rent was reasonable, and the area was full of fun, interesting often international people ready for a party at any second.
I had to put a stop to this seemingly ideal situation. Why did I deserve it? I had made life for Jude a living hell. We broke up frequently. I was in self-sabotage mode again. I’m not sure if I was fully aware at the time, but I wanted to wreck this infallible setting. Something was wrong and rather then addressing it I chose to ruin it by bringing dangerous people into our place. I even was trying to separate myself from Jude in the space claiming that he could have one side of it while I had the other! At the same time I was inviting strangers’ in from the street. Becoming intimate with some while others were taking items with them as they left! I was so out of it I didn’t notice until the next day.
This is how I saw it back then. Or at least I thought I did. I was inviting danger into our perfectly set up flat in the Gay village. I mean it wasn’t perfect as one window didn’t have a screen and the bathtub was pink, but it was really big with a great layout. It over looked Church Street the hub of the gay community in downtown Toronto, Canada. We were near our school, the rent was reasonable, and the area was full of fun, interesting often international people ready for a party at any second.
I had to put a stop to this seemingly ideal situation. Why did I deserve it? I had made life for Jude a living hell. We broke up frequently. I was in self-sabotage mode again. I’m not sure if I was fully aware at the time, but I wanted to wreck this infallible setting. Something was wrong and rather then addressing it I chose to ruin it by bringing dangerous people into our place. I even was trying to separate myself from Jude in the space claiming that he could have one side of it while I had the other! At the same time I was inviting strangers’ in from the street. Becoming intimate with some while others were taking items with them as they left! I was so out of it I didn’t notice until the next day.